The Night Rainbow

  A story for when you’re older, in case time makes you forget. To remind you that you have always had the wisdom to know what’s important, and the hope that brings dreams to life.

  For Amélie and Beatrix, with all my love.

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Acknowledgements

  A Note on the Author

  Reading Group

  Chapter 1

  Maman’s belly is at the stove, her bottom squeezed up against the table where we are colouring. Her arm is stretched forwards, stirring tomato smells out of the pan and into our socks. She isn’t singing.

  It is mostly cool in the kitchen, but half of me is sunny and hot because I’m sitting in a ribbon of outside. The rest of me is in the stripy shade of the socks and knickers that dangle from the wooden airer above our heads. They have been there for five sleeps already, since that rainy afternoon when we couldn’t stop getting under Maman’s feet even when we were in a different room altogether.

  A fly lands on the edge of the butter dish, and another on my empty plate. Then one jumps on to my arm, making the hairs stand up. Margot watches them. Her eyes roll around so they are mostly white and her eyebrows waggle. Two more flies skid to a stop on the oilcloth.

  The flies think our house is an airport, Pea, she says.

  Margot is like me and she is not like me. I am five and a half, Margot is only four, but she’s tall for her age. We both like cuddles and insects and cuddling insects and we both have freckles and green eyes, like Maman, with sparkles of blue and brown. In the sunlight Maman’s eyes are kaleidoscopes.

  Margot and I are not the same, you can tell by our dreams. I am always dreaming about witches chasing me, or picnic-days at the beach before all the dying happened – those are the best ones. Margot dreams about tiny people that live in the cupboards and have parties on Thursdays, and about jigsaws that make themselves.

  Ladies are like cars and men are like motorbikes, Margot says.

  You have to listen to Margot because she explains things.

  Motorbikes don’t have doors, but cars do, to put the people in, she tells me. You can put people inside ladies too. And they have doors for the going in and out.

  I stare at Maman’s big fat belly, imagining the door. I have never seen it, which is strange. I have seen the doorknob, though, sticking out through her clothes where her belly button used to be.

  Go and knock on it, Pea, the baby might answer, says Margot.

  In my head I can see the baby opening up Maman’s tummy to say hello, or to sign for a parcel. Before I can stop it my laugh bubbles out of my lips like a raspberry. Maman’s head turns to look at me.

  Peony, she says (because that is one of my names), and her face is grey clouds. Then she turns away again and stirs faster.

  Maman, I say.

  She turns back. But I have forgotten to think of something important to say, so I quickly say the first thing I can think of.

  There is a fly stuck to your foot.

  Well, there is. Maman has bare feet and under one of her heels I can see a little fly leg sticking out. And a little fly bum.

  Maman stares at me for a moment with eyes that say ‘this is all your fault’, and then leans on the table so she can inspect her feet. She lifts one off the tiles and cricks backwards to look at it over her shoulder, her hair falling down her back like a red curtain. The bottom of her foot is black. Maman’s feet get dirtier than mine even though we both walk barefoot on the same floors.

  The other one, I whisper.

  She swaps feet. There it is: the squashed fly. She peels it off with the tips of her fingers and puts her foot back down slowly. Her mouth wobbles as though it can’t decide what shape to make. She looks at the floor, her eyes moving over the crumbs, the small bits of onion and garlic skins, the cat hair and the outside dirt. The table is not very clean either. We do try not to make too much mess, but if we do I can’t reach the sink to wipe it up.

  I am quiet now, waiting for what happens next. Maman puts the fly into the dustbin and then holds on to the table with two hands, rocking as though there is sad music in the kitchen that only she can hear. The tomato sauce is spluttering in the pan behind her. Without saying anything else, she straightens up and takes her tears upstairs.

  The darkness is in my stomach. This is what scares me most.

  Telling Maman about the fly was a disaster, I say.

  Yes, says Margot, you should have told her she was looking beautiful today.

  That would have been better, I say.

  Never mind, says Margot. I don’t really like tomato sauce. Shall we have a picnic?

  I hear the splash of the shower coming on upstairs. On the stove, spits of tomato sauce are dancing over the saucepan and on to the floor. Some of them are flying so high they are splattering the clothes on the airer. Our clothes, saucepans and frying pans, strings of garlic and chillies and onions, dried sausages, all hanging together out of reach on S-shaped hooks with pointed ends. All getting very spotty with tomato. I get up from the table and turn off the gas.

  Come on, Pea, says Margot. I’m hungry.

  Outside the bright sunshine makes us squint. I have forgotten my hat and can already feel my hair heating up. Sometimes I wish it didn’t get so hot here, but Maman said that French summers are much nicer than those in England, where she came from. She said that here at least you can always rely on the sun.

  We stand in the courtyard and wonder where we will go today, although the answer has been the same for two summers, one winter and a birthday. Our choosing began when Maman came back from hospital last year. She had changed from fat to thin, but she didn’t bring back a baby like she promised. She left it at the hospital, along with her happiness.

  When Papa was at home things were still OK. He hugged Maman all the time and there were girl-shaped spaces in between their elbows and tummies that I could squeeze into and join in the cuddle. But when he was out working, Maman would tell us to just get out of the house and go play, and so we did. We play mostly in the low meadow, and sometimes on Windy Hill, the places that Maman used to take us on walks before the dead baby happened. Some days I still ask her to come along, but she prefers it indoors. Even though she started growing a new baby right away, it didn’t put the happiness back.

  Then Papa died. One day in spring, he was driving his tractor on a hill and he fell off it and was squashed. That was tragic, the priest at the church said so, but afterwards it was a catastrophe. Without Papa here there is never a very good time to be in the house, so every day we have to decide where to go.

  Sunny side or shady side? says Margot, which is another way of asking the same question.

  If we go around the sunny side of the house we can take the path down through the peach orchards and across the village road into the low meadow. If we go to the shady side, and around the back of the barn, we can cross the high pasture and go sit on Windy Hill.

  Shady side, I say. I want to go and see the wing turbines.

  The turbines are taller than houses. They stand over on another hill in two rows, like th
ree-wing angels with their backs to the sea, watching over the villages and the meadows. They make the electricity that goes to our light switches, so at night when I’m in bed, even when everything else is dark, I know there is a little bit of light behind my door. That stops me being afraid. The darkness is lonely, the turbines stir it away. When I watch them turning, see that they are still there, everything slows down to the steady round and round and I forget about being upset.

  Pea, scolds Margot, for goodness sake, it’s midday. There is no shade on Windy Hill, we will burn up like toast and get sunstroke and melt.

  I start to argue, but Margot interrupts me, which she does a lot.

  Today I am the maman, she says, so you will do as you’re told.

  But we haven’t been to Windy Hill for ages, I say.

  Pea, look at you, you haven’t even got a hat on. We’re going to the low meadow and that’s the end of it. Margot folds her arms. Besides, we can paddle, she adds, looking down at my yellow sandals.

  The stream will be cold and my feet are hot. The stream will feel good. Margot knows this. Margot knows a lot of things before I even think of them.

  Why are Maman’s feet so dirty and not mine? I ask her.

  Because she spends too much time indoors where the dirt is, says Margot.

  There didn’t used to be so much dirt.

  No.

  There didn’t used to be so much indoors either.

  Papa wouldn’t have liked it.

  I don’t like it, I say.

  Can you remember if Maman ever came paddling with us? Margot asks.

  I can, I say. She definitely did. Her feet looked like big white fish under the ripples. Her toenails were painted pink and she waggled them in the water.

  Yes, says Margot. Her feet are dirty now because she doesn’t paddle enough. And also, my tummy is rumbling, we have to stop dawdling.

  I’m thirsty, I say.

  Come on then, says Margot.

  To get a drink of water from the courtyard tap you have to kneel underneath it and the water runs down your neck and wets your clothes, but they dry fast in the sunshine.

  We’re going to need some bread, says Margot.

  Sylvie, the breadlady, has left our baguettes on top of the letterbox as usual. There are two of them, hot as though they had just been baked and each with a little paper coat around its middle. Since Papa died we only eat one of the baguettes each day, but Sylvie still brings two. I put the hard ones in a box outside the front door and the peachman takes them for his pigs.

  I break off the knob-ends of the bread, one for each of us, and we dig inside them for crumbs as we walk. On the way down through the orchard we look under the trees for peaches that have fallen off. There are plenty, more than we can hold. We both eat one, ripe and sweet, then I make an apron out of my still-damp dress to carry the rest.

  Down in the low meadow, the ground is softer and there is plenty of shade. On the path down from the road, we skip around the brambles, checking for ripe blackberries, but they are all still green and red. Josette’s donkeys meet us at the bottom of the path and we give them the crusty leftovers of our bread. Then we sit in a patch of dandelions under the alders and oaks close to the stream. Somewhere up in the trees a bird is drilling holes.

  Woodpecker! says Margot.

  That’s an easy one, I laugh, with peach juice running down my chin.

  Croo, croo, says another bird and I shout, Dove!

  I usually win at this game. Maman knows all the bird calls and she used to teach me: cuckoo, crow, blackbird, seagull, song thrush … She taught me the feathers too. Birds leave their feathers lying around all the time, like presents. In the days when Maman sang and baked cakes we would come out together on treasure hunts, collecting feathers and flowers. Back at home we stuck them on to paper and Maman put them on the fridge with magnets, or pinned them to the walls.

  Margot and I point our ears to the sky, listening for more birds, trying to untangle their calls. It is quite complicated and keeps us very busy until a long fat hornet arrives, hovering and buzzing around my face. I jump on to my feet. Margot becomes bossy again.

  Come on, quickly, she says, now we must wash our hands and faces. She takes my sticky hand and leads me down to the stream. We crouch down at the edge of the brown water and rinse our fingers in the reflections of trees, scattering half-made tadpole-frogs under the rocks.

  The rocks look different, says Margot. What’s wrong with them?

  They’re out of the water, I say. It’s because it’s summer.

  I know about summer, of course, says Margot, and rain and snow and mountains, but it isn’t just that they are out of the water. They have moved. Look.

  Rocks don’t move, I say. But I take a few steps backwards just in case. From further back I can see the pattern. The big rocks that were dotted around the stream before are now zigzagging from one side to the other, from the low meadow into the low pasture. They are making the water slow down, pool up against them and run off the sides. In the still water in the middle, pond skaters spin around in circles on the surface while silvery water boatmen and tiny fish glitter underneath.

  Stepping stones! I shout. Let’s go! And I rush to the water’s edge, sticking out my arms ready to balance my way across.

  Rocks that move, says Margot quietly.

  Yes, I say. I step back again.

  Margot is right. Something is wrong with rocks that move. I look at the stepping stones again. Seven big stones that look very heavy. Too heavy for children to carry.

  It must have been a witch, I say.

  Witches don’t exist, says Margot.

  On the other side of the stream there are evening primroses. I want to go and get them.

  It was a witch, I say. Look at the flowers.

  The flowers?

  Witches do that, they put things you want in places you shouldn’t go. They make houses out of cakes to catch you and then they put you in cages to fatten you up.

  Flowers aren’t cakes. What do you want the flowers for? says Margot.

  For making Maman happy with.

  Do you think they would make her happy?

  Well, they’re yellow, I say. I don’t know. Maybe nothing will make her happy.

  That’s just silly, says Margot. There are more than a thousand things in the world and one of them must make Maman happy.

  But how do we know which one?

  Exactly! says Margot. This is our new challenge. We are going to use our cleverness to make Maman happy again. We will start by trying yellow flowers.

  OK, I’ll go and get some, I say. But then I stop again. No, I’ve changed my mind.

  It wasn’t a witch! says Margot.

  I’m not going! If it wasn’t a witch then who was it? I say. It could only have been a grownup, but grownups don’t come down here. Even Josette just calls the donkeys when it’s their feeding time and they go and meet her up by the fence.

  No grownups at all? says Margot.

  I think about it. The only grownup I’ve ever seen down here is the man who made the dragging footprints in the snow.

  The first time we saw him I was four years old. Maman had just come home from the hospital and was staying in bed. Papa was spraying the peaches because he didn’t know what else to do. That’s what he said. We couldn’t stay with Papa, and Maman was in a terrible mood, so we went to see if the donkeys were in a good one, which they were. We stayed all day in the low meadow, and late in the afternoon he came. We were sitting under the white mulberry tree, being doctors and nurses. The leaves are big and the tree also had hundreds of white berries. It makes a good hospital but was also useful for hiding. The branches hang very low, close to the ground, so we felt quite safe.

  We peered out, watching the stranger like spies. The man was half-hopping as though he had a stone in his shoe, and a red dog was walking by his side. I wasn’t happy about the man but I liked his dog. I could tell it was a kind one, staying with his person like that when he woul
d probably rather have been chasing smells.

  Just when I thought they were about to turn and go the dog barked three times, making me jump, and ran over to the mulberry tree. He came straight underneath and nosed us with his wet face. The dog was quite thin and slinky and friendly-looking. His tail was a flapping floppy brush. I wanted to pat the dog, but if it didn’t go away I was sure the man would follow.

  Shoo! I whispered, and waved my hands at it.

  Buzz off! said Margot, making a cross face.

  The dog stepped back from us, sniffing the air, but he didn’t buzz off. Instead he had a snack, eating a few of the lowest mulberries, nipping them straight off the tree. The man’s feet had been still all this time, just standing, pointing towards us, but not moving. Then he bent down to his shoe, maybe looking for the stone, and for a moment he seemed to be looking right at us. I stayed as still as a statue, and closed my eyes to a squint. The man squinted too. His face was very hairy, except above one ear where a big patch of hair was missing and the skin was red-brown like a chestnut. I held my breath, my heart thumping against my ribs. But then he stood up again, his face was gone and he whistled for the dog, who nudged me one last time with his nose then ran back to the man’s heel.

  He was here last winter too when the snow came. I was following my footprints from the day before, trying to put my feet in them without making any new ones. Margot was lagging behind, stepping slowly and carefully on the new snow trying not to make prints. She’s very good at that, better than me.

  I saw them first: big fresh footprints with zigzag bottoms, half of them normal and half of them stretched and blurry. Next to them were a patter of paw prints, all heading down to the stream. I was examining them more closely when I heard the snow crunching ahead of me and when I looked up he was close, making the same pattern but coming back up the hill. Each step of his scrapy walk made a small pile of snow. The red dog was still at his feet but this time covered in a layer of frost like icing on a cake.